Shame

It's #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek but this is actually an overdue post from another awareness week. I won't say which, as that's kind of the point of the blog. Anyway, it applies equally to Mental Health problems of all kinds.

One of the very worst side-effects of a long-term illness/ disability/ condition is the stigma that comes along with it. And the very worst thing about that stigma is that it is another word for shame, and the person suffering is the one who causes it.

Imagine that a friend, relation, colleague, anyone really has found themselves ill. It most likely isn’t their fault, they didn’t do anything to cause it, they don’t deserve it. If they confided in you, you wouldn’t shun them, would you? You wouldn’t eradicate them from your life, make a disgusted face and shake your head, rush off and wash your hands, tell them they should, or, shouldn’t have done such and such. No, you would be sympathetic, even if you didn’t like them all that much. In no way would you tell them that they should be ashamed of themselves, and harangue them for burdening you with their problems. But they would. They do just that every single day.

Clearly, I’m talking about invisible illnesses, the ones people can exhaust themselves covering up almost all of the time. That pretence, that’s one of the most debilitating symptoms of any invisible illness worth its salt. Suffering already? Well, congratulations! Take this extra shit-shower and make everything worse. It's like permanently drowning. As with any pretence, any secret or subterfuge, the longer it goes on, the harder it is to own up to. And I’m not going to pretend that it’s easy, or tell you that you should be honest about it – it’s your dirty little secret after all, do with it as you wish – but know that it’s probably the only thing you are in control of, and the only bit of daily pain and horror that you can rid yourself of. Be brave today, be kind to yourself, see what happens.

One day I may tale my own advice.