checkmated by a scaredy-cat

https://youtu.be/rgc_LRjlbTU

I don't know how to play chess, nor wizard chess. Once upon a time, I could play draughts, but can't quite remember how anymore. 

There are two good reasons for this black and white gap in my knowledge:

1; holes in my brain, literal holes, where info falls out of existence like pennies in a ripped pocket. 

2; I am a terrible loser when it comes to games (all games) and not pleasant to play against. This is my sole (ha!) character flaw.

Now, what does One Night in Bankok and a rambling post about not playing chess have in common with this innocent looking little feline in the accompanying picture?

I'll tell you what: that teensy weensy silver bell you see underneath her chinni-chin-chin, that's what.

Basically, b*tch just checkmated me in one foul swoop. No, that isn't a typo. Her move truly was foul; brilliant, but foul.

Little Glinda, though still frightened by her own shadow, has proved more murderous than any other cat we've owned in a near quarter-century in this house. She can and will kill anything. So far, so typical of a cat. But Glinda takes the level of cruelty from 'ooh, NAUGHTY cat!' to a whole new spectrum. I won't elaborate, or you'll have nightmares.

So, thought I would help the birds out by belling her ass, and giving them an ice-cream van style tonkly warning on her approach. Which worked. I guess.

Turned out Glinda was so scared of being persued by an invisible ghost ringing a bell (under her chin) that she just stopped moving. Plonked herself down by the pond to stare doleful at the newts for hours, and had to be carried inside last night by John.

She crept upstairs at bedtime, and slept on our bed as per norm. Today, she went outside at first (pouring with rain, and very grey) light, where she has stayed every since. Covered in mud.

I relented, sucker that I am, and removed her collar. 

Why give up so easily? I hear you cry, because she checkmated me last night, that's why. 

Have just discovered that the b*tch peed through my duvet last night, while I was sleeping under it.

All hail the queen ♟️